If Only

"If only I..."

Don't you guys agree with me that we often find ourselves having this thought, "If only..." readily in our mind, especially the times when guiltiness and regretness strike our conscience? I'm sure each and everyone of us must have our very own darkest secret that we might wanna try our very best to hide it forever, maybe?
Perhaps it's easy to lie to others but it will never be easy to lie to ourselves.

And sometimes, it's easy to ask for forgiveness from others over our mistakes but has it ever been easy for us to forgive ourselves? I'd rather say sorry to other people than to feel sorry for myself at times. Emo-ness strikes again? Yea...

It has been several nights where in the midst of darkness, there I lie down on the bed with a pillow of ancient thoughts. Recalling the gray areas I once leaped into can sometimes make my mind go hysterical, burning eyes can sometimes roll a stream of tears. And then I can't stop but to feel sorry for myself over the silly and naive mistakes I once made. "If only.. " I had the chance to turn back time, I'd appreciate a tight slap on my face to wake me up from the fantasy world and the miseries today will just be unnecessary. I'd probably forgotten how much it once hurts or how much pain it brings as all I can remember now is purely regretness above anything else and a slight guiltiness :S Heck... not a pleasant feeling.

Well, no doubt people say that with age comes our wisdom. Somehow, when I was living in those were the days, I wouldn't think that there was any problem with my wants and needs, doing and daring but at this very point of my life when I think back of those were the days when I was a noobshit teenager, I start to realise that this Chinese proverb speaks as it says, "Gina lang, cho min kia boh keng koi tua nao"

Aihz~ perhaps it's too late for me to say anything now. A million words and a trillion times of regretness can never help to salvage the precious moments I lost. But I believe that time can make a diffference although it may not entirely heal. Well, sometimes I do think that humans grow with their mistakes, so as to mould them into a more sensible person though it's an awful feeling having to carry such heavy burden with us for the rest of our lives-ReGrEtNeSsssSssSs~ :S