Too Shy To Ask, Too Proud To Lose

HER POINT OF VIEW- My Best Friend's Wedding.

It was his wedding day. As I finished giving final touches to my mild makeup, my thoughts flew back to my old school days. The first time I met him, he was just another face in the crowd. We met occasionally through common friends and soon, we became good friends. He never spared a chance to irritate me, which was not very difficult for me too. We always ended up fighting and patching up the next day only to fight again. 2 years flew by but nothing changed. Our friends knew we were very close and teased us incessantly. We would blush but still continue fighting, hoping that the fight would conceal my blush.

Everyday I would wait impatiently for him to come, even walking passed my class. If I didn't see him for even a day my heart would not be in whatever I do. I would roam around listlessly. I attributed it to the fact that I did not have my daily quota of fights and patch ups. We grew up together in the 2 years, but as time went by we became more aware of our friends making fun of the usual gossip about us. I was too shy to ask, and too proud to lose. I realised then that I slowly reduced our fights and spent less and less time together.

Graduation Day finally rolled its red carpet to us. In the midst of sharing the excitement, he came to me and said he was leaving to another city for his tertiary. And he paused for a long quiet moment. I tried to read what was in his mind and God, I swear that Einstein's equation were much easier to understand than a guy's mind. The beating of my heart dropped as I held my breath when I heard him said, "I'm leaving tomorrow."

I had always taken it for granted that I could see him whenever I wanted to. For the first time I realized how much he meant to me. All our friends were there to say goodbye at the airport. I wanted to say so much, but I didn't know how to convey my feelings. Even if I knew, that was too late for me to patch up this time. He gave all of us a tight hug and as he crossed the security checkpoint, I realized at that moment that he meant more to me than anything else. He was my best friend but I also realized, I had unknowingly, unconsciously fallen in love with him. I looked as he disappeared into the thick crowd. I felt a sudden pain in my heart that had never been felt, before.

But he was gone. There was not a day, not an hour when I didn't think of him. My friends realized something was amiss, as they had never seen me so silent and so lost in thoughts. When they found out the reason, they felt it was just a crush and that it would go away. Some suggested finding out his whereabouts, but I didn't want them to. I was happy to be in love. I didn't want to think that there were two possibilities, he might love me or he might not. I was happy that I was in love and it was just beautiful.

There were times when I would miss the sharing, the companionship, and the sweet nothings that people in love felt and enjoyed. My love was one sided but it was love nevertheless. He was always there in my thoughts and what better companionship can I ask for? Time flew. I went to university and then to work. Through the years I heard bits and pieces of news about him. I heard he was abroad, studying. And then I heard he was in love.

My heart broke before it was even healed. The rational side of me knew that since I had never told him how I felt, I should accept what happened today. As much as I tried, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I would spend the whole day putting up a smiling face for the people around me, and fall into my bed, tears streaming down my face , just like the first night he was gone.

I realized I had to face the truth. He was my first love and would always be, but I realized life has much more to offer than just an old school crush. I wanted to move on, be happy and maybe meet someone whom I would love and who would love me. Surprisingly, fate decided to help me in its own way. I met his mom by chance and she promptly invited me for his wedding. I realized the only way to come to terms would be to actually go for his wedding. I knew, once I see him happily married, I could and would get over it. I came back to the present with a start, as my mobile phone rang. It was my friend asking me out for a movie. I told him I was going to a marriage to meet a long lost friend and hung up. I was ready, to face the reality.


HIS POINT OF VIEW- My Best Friend at My Wedding

I just came out of the shower. The new suit was lying on the bed. It was a memorable day for me, my wedding day. I was getting ready when my mother entered the room and told me that my friends had come and they were waiting to see me in the hall. I just glanced through the window and I could see all my friends chatting n laughing, people who had been with me through my thick n thin. Out of the many old faces, then I saw her, an angel, and my best friend. She looked really beautiful, had put on some weight, n carried the cute little smile that I always admired. I slowly started traversing back, memories started pouring in, and it has been a long eight years since I last saw her.

I first met her in school when we were all waiting in the school hall for the students administrator to divide us into classes. She was sitting at the row, directly in front of me. She was cute, shy and a bit funny too. We occasionally met through some of our common friends. Slowly, she became a part of my life. We used to have lunch together, gossiped around, and made fun of the teachers and those were the moments when we felt that nothing existed beyond us in the entire universe.

She used to wait for me when I had special classes and pretend that she was revising for the test that was no where near than 2 months away. Life was so much of fun. No day ended without fighting and patching up. At times, there was nothing to talk, but still I craved to talk. That's when I used this weapon of fighting. She was quite adamant, never gave up so quickly, and I enjoyed every moment of those precious times when we fought and argued and then patched up. There were times when our friends teased us of a growing affinity, something beyond friendship. I pondered about it at times, but she was very quick to dismiss it every time. I slowly started realizing that we were made for each other. But I was to shy to ask, and too proud to lose.

But, fate had other ideas. My father got a transfer and he had tertiary plans laid out for me and my family had to move to a new city in a short notice, as soon as after Graduation. The day arrived at the airport and I expected her to say a lot. I was looking into her eyes, trying to read what's going on in her mind, realized at that moment, Einstein's equations were much easier to understand than what was going on in a girl's mind. She never uttered a single word, just said a good-bye and best of luck. And the boarding announcement broke the silence. I gave her a tight hug, wishing her to at least give me a hint of reassurance. She did not.

She never contacted me after that. I joined college and went abroad for my further studies. I always made sure that she knew what I was doing and where I was through our common friends, hoping against hope that someday she would realize the love for me hidden in the deep cavities of her heart, and she would say those words which I longed to hear for years. But it never happened. She finished her education and later she joined a reputed software company. I slowly started accepting the fact that I was not the kind of guy she would like to spend her life with.

In the meanwhile, I met a girl who fell deeply in love with me. Knowing the pain of an unfulfilled love, I accepted her proposal, and our marriage got fixed. But, I wanted to see my angel at least once again in my life. I asked my mother to pass on the invitation to her; somehow I strongly felt that she would surely turn up for my wedding.

There was a thud sound and I came back to reality. She was still sitting there and laughing, maybe to one of the jokes cracked by my friends. I knew at that moment, mine was not a lost love; it will always be there in my heart. If it was there for eight years, it will last forever, till I reach my grave. Just that we had to move ahead in life, in different directions. My wife put her hands around mine, and I walked her towards my friends and there, my angel. I was ready, to face my reality.