I Can't Explain Myself At All

This is the 3rd time that I logged in after logging out twice. Yes or no, yes or no to blog. I don't know how to describe bout my feelings now, it's a mixture of everything. I very much want to blog to loosen myself but of cuz there are somethings I just can't explain. If only I knew, I wouldn't be feeling like this at all.

The more I try to untie this knot, the tighter it gets.
With time, the negative has become a quality, and a zero has become a hero.
But why isn't this flame turning into a beam yet?

Why is it everytime that after I feel I had a great day, there somehow comes a spoiler at the end of the day?

There are somethings that I clearly know I have to avoid but it's unavoidable simply cuz I can't even I want to.
There are somethings I choose not to see, to hear and to know...but I end up seeing, hearing and knowing all of it and it's doing nothing more than clouding me up.

I'm just so tired of this kinda uncertainties in life. Very much I want a break from all these but there's no such thing as taking a break in this life, the world keeps spinning and the clock keeps ticking, everything keeps revolving around us in life and till the day that we can rest in peace is when we're in the casket, be it returned to God opened or unopened.

How much I want the good times to stay when I know time devours them. It's true that they remain as sweet memories but beneath this candy thoughts, you know that they are just something pleasant that had passed. At most we'd just feel glad that we'd been there, done that.
But why aren't the dark times as the prey of time as well? Time heals but it's not going to compensate the trauma, hurt and despair that once been felt. And it's not just a mere, something bad that had passed and be glad that it's all over. It somehow sets an existing yet invisible barrier between me and the present, at least for me.

According to Pn. Shirley, we have to practice detachment in our lives as we continue to move on no matter what. She has a point there.
But is this really true when it comes to the fact that you've lost something that you've once live your life with, it is that easy to get over it and look into the mirror and then say, "Hey, practice detachment nia lo~"
...??...